


Incapable Golf

by theunholy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Hogwarts, LGBT, Love, M/M, Romance, Sexy, bad boy, selfinsert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:55:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26854828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theunholy/pseuds/theunholy
Summary: Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy have been enemies the moment they saw each other in Hogwarts. Is romance a possibility between them? This is a hot and sexy tale about two boys who had hated each other changing into men who are deep in love.reviews:@jkrowling : this is a wonderful story, filled with emotional growth and inner turmoil.@johngreen : a tale worth telling. It will be worth your time to read it.@cassandraclare : this is very sexy.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

It was a sunny afternoon, a Hairy Pot stomps into the Hoggywart school ground. The ground trembles and shakes underneath his sticky toes and fungi filled nails. He growl sexily, jutting out his jaw and his ass to form a C. He sees the C and turns into a sea. He wiggles and glimmers, his bright surface wide and endless like his left butt cheek but not his right. They kiss under the light of the bouncy butt, making sticky meat smacking noises. It's very sticky. He hasn't washed it in 204 years. Suddenly, a rat walks in !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*rat noises*

"Shut up111!!1!1!" yells Drago calm and serenely. "I only date dates with saggy balls."

"Shut up!111!11" yells Drago calm and serenely. "I only date dates with big soggy balls."

"Shut up!111!11" yells Drago calm and serenely. "I only date dates with onion balls."

"The universe did not create you to repeat yourself," whispers Hairy hairily and wisely into the anus of a mongoose. He cultivates his Chi and cunningly destroys the sexy butthole. He gropes the air in search for more anal things to destroy with his Chi.

"What are you doing?!" insists Drago, as he seduces his peanuts. His small dry balls inflate to be the size of the moon before they explode, raining a rain of hot steamy pus. Hairy smirks as he becomes very very hairy, the hair climbing from his nostrils and into Drago's ears so he can no longer hear anything.

"Goo goo ga ga," Hairy coos to Drago.

"You're so unbelievably hairy, Hairy," Drago howls as he indignantly tries to rip out Hairy's large intestine.

"Only for you,dry balls-sama," Hairy smirks smuggly. Drago runs his hand through the Hairy man, he is so overgrown with fur he resembles a large retriever dog. Hairy barks, Drago is now a furry.

"I now date humanoid animals with saggy balls too," Drago mutters to the minotaur under one of the folds in his triple chin, waggling his eyebrows. He lays down sexily on his bedsheets, letting out the loudest, earth shattering fart ever known to furrykind. They all applaud by slapping their buttcheeks together. They slap them together so much that all furrykind start to fly from the sheer wind power and muscular force of their ass cheeks. Their asscheeks all decide to become ripped and hunky, thus starting the holy hunky ass cult squad squat. They all squat in front of a bottle of hunky, thick, muscular cockroaches, trying to dunk them all in hot wa(ter). The cockroaches smirk and start to flex their sexy muscles. They show of their hot thick thighs and they are so hot that the hot wa(ter) is now as cold as Drago's ventricular nose.

Suddenly, Drago emerges from the ground, passes gas, then passes out. He then continues to pass away.


	2. Chapter 2

Suddenly, Drago emerges from the ground, passes gas, then passes out. He then continues to pass away.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" speaks Hairy in a sotto voice.

He bitches about Undertale all day and everyday, wanting to marry a particularly bald skeleton man. Drago resurrects himself by being jealous and he is now a yandere tsundere.

"B-BAKA! 0////0" Drago whines as he stabs everyone to death. Everyone shivers as they line up to be stabbed. They wait for their impending doom as Drago denies his love for Hairy. "I-it's not like I l-like you or a-anything," Draco squeals like the rat he is, blushing furiously. His blush was so furious it got casted in the next Fast and Furious movie, Fast and Furious 99999999.

Hairy pats the bed that is currently sinking into the earth. "Come join meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

Drago's jaw unhinges with joy and his shoulder dislocates from his eyelid. He starts blinking rapidly, wanting to turn down the offer but also wanting to shimmy up a chimney. He shimmy (shimmy)-d his way up the shimmy-ing chimney, effectively turning into reverse-santa and throwing up cookies. His elongated nose wiggles in the wind as he starts tor-pedo-ing into children's homes. He watches them sleep while salivating and rubbing his hands until sparks fly out.

Hairy giggles. While Drago was away, Hairy has been boiling the sea water for Drago to drink. He has also been splattering himself with his own ear wax. He drips the ear wax slowly into the boiling sea water, making his own ear wax scented candle for his loved one to enjoy. He is so demented. Hairy is also so constipated that only a little bit of shit pops up from his ear when he puts in all his focus. He then eats it after plucking it from his ear.

"Draco....................... I...... I love you....<333"

"Hairy........"


	3. Chapter 3

"Draco....................... I...... I love you....<333"

"Hairy........"

They launch themselves onto the moon to sexily make out with each other. Hairy runs his hand over Drago's bald bald head and succulent shiny ass hair. His flabby skin bounces up and down in excitement.

"U r so hairy Dragoogoo baby," Hairy screams into the nape of Drago's neck. He bites a chunk out of it and sparkly black blood gushes out from his plastic neck (geddit becus im goffik) Attack on Titan style as he savours the unwashed flavour.

"mmmMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmicrowave" chants Drago holy-ly. He is such a saint. Hairy smooches Drago crusty and dry and flaking lips, eating his dry skin. Their tongues intertwine as they have a fast and furious battle to pluck out each other's teeths and eat it. So crunchy and old tasting. His eye darts out to sensually lick Hairy's eyeball lizard-style, his tongue extending so long it goes through his brain and licks Hairy's dripping snot.

Drago pins Hairy against the wall, trapping him in his embrace. "You are so....motherfucking," Drago whispers, his hot breath tickling Hairy's ears.

Hairy blushes in response, digging his nails into the arm of Drago. "You're so sexy I want you to be my father."

Drago blinks.

"What."

"What."

They continue their hot, sensual and much needed arts and craft session, but the only thing they're arts and crafting is...each other's...colour paper they have stashed in their pockets. Hairy moans as he maya he he he. "Your paper swan...it's so sexy." The world becomes slow and hot.

Drago smirks so hard the corner of his lip leaves his face and contorts into a beautiful heart shape. Drago kisses Hairy and his tongue explores his hot, wet mouth. He picks out several morsels of meat stuck between Hairy's teeth and eats them. "Delicious," Drago moans into Hairy's mouth. He sexily grinds into the (grindel)wall.

"Dude..... You just ate my gums.... 0//0"

"You're so delicious Hairy..." Drago whispers, and he punches Hairy in the guts. He also rips Hairy's pants off and starts eating it piece by peace.

"Babe... where are your pants.."

"What did you think was in that oatmeal?"

"OMg," rasps Hairy, hands on his chest. "I kant believe you've done this."

Then, Hairy reaches out and squeezes Drago's head so hard that it actually explodes. All the beautiful juices flow into the sky to form Drago's beautiful features.

"DRAGo!" yells Hairy in awe as he extends his hands under the wondrous sexy sky. His elastic fingers swirl up towards the sky to molest him. Drago groans in response. They all moan and their saliva dribbles to the ground. They rapidly remove their clothing, undressing with the speed of light.


	4. Chapter 4

"DRAGo!" yells Hairy in awe as he extends his hands under the wondrous sexy sky. His elastic fingers swirl up towards the sky to molest him. Drago groans in response. They all moan and their saliva dribbles to the ground. They rapidly remove their clothing, undressing with the speed of light.

"Drago! Where are your nipples?!" questions Hairy hotly. Drago slaps Hairy.

"Don't you know it's RUDE to ask these things?!" Drago screams as his spit flies at Hairy's face and melts away all his skin. "FUCK YOU AND YOUR USELESS NIPPLES!!!1!!1!1!"

Hairy caresses his useless nippies. He ignores Drago's nippleless body and stares at his beautiful shining abs instead. He runs his hands across it. "Drago do you work out?"

"I work out...equations," confesses Drago. "But I also work out just for you. And by work out, I mean...work out equations..."

Harry kisses his muscular, waffle like body, smudging his nose across it and covering it with slug slime and mucus. "I've coated your body to protect your beautiful muscular abs," Hairy says breathlessly. Drago blushes, reaching out to sexily lick Harry's ear snot. Hairy can feel his warm, moist tongue inside his ear, caressing, licking and teasing him. He stumbles and fall to the ground. They tumble down the hill, get several concussions, and ultimately were rendered unconscious. Yet despite this, they never broke their deep passionate kiss, and stayed connected throughout the entire fearful upheaval.

They were like a spoked wheel that had never spoke. Even when unconscious, their suction cup-like mouths remain glued to each other. It is only when someone yanks them apart do they separate, coming away with a loud pop.

In a fit of rage and jealousy, Drago gives Hairy an ass massage using his chainsaw and butt(er) knife. He chops up Hairy's now no longer hairy ass and sells it on ebay for sentimental purposes. Tis good SooShe. Drago, in turn, claps his own springy ass with such resolution that it is in extremely high resolution (4k UHD).

ASS the world starts to end due to apocalyptical anus disease, many anuses start to emerge on the skins of the lovers. "OMG!" Harry squeaks. They all leak from their multiple anuses and open a brownie shop which becomes a huge success in England. A large naked Volymoldy crashes through the wall and into his premade grave. y/n appears just in time to witness this and becomes the chosen one. The end.


End file.
